Making Progress

So, on Monday evening, here's what's been happening:
G is now in Columbus, OH, on the bus back home. Yay! That's the best news.

In other news, I spent today contacting the various folks I was not able to get hold of last week re: the wedding. The good news: I will be able to get ALL of my deposits back that I made on my daughter's behalf. Funny, I have not heard from her about the check my sister was supposed to send to her (but made out to me) to pay me back from having her lights turned off. Oh well. I had a good talk with my sister on Sunday. She is going to come visit anyway and stay here in the house while we are in Denver, and visit with my daughter and the family. So, it's all good.

I closed out a bank account that I had used for my free-lance transcription and had the balance transferred to savings. I made a big payment on the 5 windows that we had installed a few months ago. I went to the grocery and got a few things to help G's travel-torn stomach get back into shape.

I took our friend L to the hospital to visit her daughter when her car decided to go out on her, and gave her my lovely mechanic's name when she insisted she was going to take it to a dealership. Who has their cars fixed at a dealership? Are you NUTS?

I watered a little bit, and didn't pick anything today. On the downside, I got hit by the junkfood bug BIG time yesterday and succumbed. And, do I feel lousy. There IS something to this fresh food stuff. Speaking of which, below is another veggie dinner I made for myself the other night:

I made another dish similar to the ratatouille with the eggplant, etc, only I also tossed in those 2 perfect little squash and some wild rice I had in the fridge, so it was almost like a pilaf. The asparagus I almost forgot I had, so I steamed them, then made a citrus vinengarette with lime juice and served them cold. The other dish is a sweet potato salad that I found on another blog, but I modified it somewhat (as I am wont to do). It called for light and dark rasins, and I used dried cranberries and dried cherries, it used orange juice in the dressing. I didn't have any, so used apple juice, and I didn't have pecans, but did have walnuts, which I think work better because I think the pecans would have made it TOO sweet, even with the green onion and the balsamic vinegar. Let me tell you, it was one great dinner, and way better than the junk food I ate yesterday. What is it they say about live and learn?

Well, tomorrow it's back to the good old work routine, and then....SHE. WILL. BE. HOME!!

Happy Monday, everyone!

GG

Love, Loss, Longing, and Postponement

Today was a day of many happenings. Yesterday was the funeral for G's ex-husband, and she called me last night, saying that as such things go, it had been a good experience. The church was packed, all his doctors, nurses, and aides from the nursing home where he lived for the last 5 years came, much family came who she had not seen in years, she "made peace" with the 2nd wife, who was pretty much being shunned by everyone, and brought her into the "fold", etc. She said she thought she was pretty much cried out.


Today was the actual burial. I don't know if that's a NY thing, or a his family thing, or the funeral home couldn't do it till today thing (this is a VERY rural area where he lived--think Amish). So, more people, more gathering, more hugging, and crying. Then everyone came over to the son's house, where she said there must have been at least 24 KIDS, not to mention parents, grandparents, cousins, in-laws, out-laws, and etc. She's pretty worn out as you can imagine. But, it really was good for her to go. She made reconnections from old high school friends (she has a reunion coming up there that she won't make, so this trip will substitute). I'm glad she went, I'm glad I've had this week to be in the house by myself, to work hard, to play in the garden and eat out of it, because for some reason when she's here, I kind of think of it as "hers"--probably because she does virtually all the work on it. She calls it "tinkering" but most people don't "tinker" 8 or 9 hours a day! Truthfully, it's her therapy and meditation. I can do the quiet, sitting meditation. She can't. She has to be moving, and moving outside is the best. She weeds her mind when she weeds the garden and tosses it all into the compost. It all goes back into the dirt and gets transformed into love and good food. So, my being able to do a little bit of that has been good for me. Still, I miss her and I can't wait to have her back, "tinkering" away, and making things ever more beautiful here.


Got a call from my daughter today. She was teary. They have decided to postpone the wedding. I am SO utterly thrilled. I gave her much encouragement and positive feedback. It has nothing to do with the guy. I do think they are happy together--she has been happier around him, and the boys, too, than she has been around anyone else I've ever seen her with. I told her that. But her getting laid off really put a wrench in things. Plus, right or wrong, there are a lot of benefits she will lose if she gets married. Daycare help, food stamps (probably), kids' Medicaid. In love or not, she NEEDS those things. I can't pay for daycare, and they couldn't either, alone.


If they love each other, they will let this make them stronger, and when the time comes, the wedding will be perfect. After all, the wedding is only a few minutes, it's the MARRIAGE you want to last, right?


So, we divvied things up and made a few phone calls. The only one really out may be my sister who just got her plane ticket to come out here from Atlanta. But we were going to pick her up in Denver when we went up there for our convention, so maybe she'll just stay up there with us and have a weekend fling, who knows? Or maybe she'll transfer the ticket and go someplace else for fun. All will be well.


G. has a friend from one of her VA support groups, T. T. is a big, blustery guy, in his 60's, from New York, white hair, white beard, very smart, but a lot of b.s. He's fun to talk to, well-read, knows a lot about a lot, very intelligent, but you can't count on him. That's the thing about many alkies--they are charming, but empty.

But, T. has this little dog, Bella. Bella and Peaches could almost be twins except Bella is a few pounds lighter, and where Peaches has golden eyes and a pink nose, Bella's eyes and nose are coal-black buttons. T. loves that dog. Whenever he saw her, held her, or even talked about her, his whole face just lit up and he really became a different person. It was quite something to see, this big Santa-Claus like guy with a dog that easily fit into his shoe!


We hadn't seen T. in a while. His daughter lives in northern CO, and he had been spending time up there, even though he has a house here, and also doing some other traveling. So, when the phone rang today while I was working, and I saw his name, I almost didn't answer it. I was cranking out the work pretty well, and figured he just had some kind of funky request, or wanted to borrow a tool, or something like that. But, I did answer it. I said Hello, and there was just this odd, snuffling or choking sound. "T?" I said. Gruffly he said "Hi." "Are you okay?" I was pretty concerned, he sounded very odd. Then he just burst out "Bella died!" and burst into tears. And so did I. I couldn't help it, because I had really thought a few times, how is he going to react when she dies? So he sobbed for a while, and then I got him to talk a little bit. I guess she died a couple of weeks ago while they were up with his daughter, from kidney failure. She was several years older then Peaches. Then, he tells me his brother died that same week! Dear, God, it just never lets up, does it? Apparently, they discovered his brother had a brain tumor 3 weeks ago, took out the tumor, and a week later he was dead.


So, we talked and cried for a while. He said he was writing and writing and writing and he didn't know where it was all coming from. I told him as someone who had kept a journal since I was 12 years old that it was the best thing he could do for himself. He said, "I just can't stuff all this back in." He said he could go and get a bottle of vodka like the old days but if he did he would be dead. I agreed with him and told him we'd like him to hang around for a while if he would. He said he was reading Buddhism which made a lot of sense to him, about how pain was inevitable but suffering was not. I told him I totally agreed. He has to feel this pain, but if he lets himself feel it, then he can transform it, and just like Glena's "mental composting" it well re-emerge in the joy of beautiful memories and things done the right way for a change. He said I was really the first person he had spoken to out loud in nearly 2 weeks, said the first week, he didn't hardly react at all, but this week, he has not been able to stop crying all week. I told him good. It's a lifetime of "stuff" he's dealing with, because he's hinted at his "rough" upbringing by a violent dad, etc., the military, the drinking, PTSD, etc. The typical story. But, we can hope, not a typical ending, but a continuation, a new birth of growth and expansion, and hope...all wrought by a little dog on a big man.


What a legacy for little Bella.


Peace,
GG

Variations on a Theme

Once again, thanks to Syd who has become my total food hera, I decided to have this for lunch:

That's ham on light rye with chevre bleu cheese and Dijon mustard. It was quite tasty, especially with a side of Sicillian green olives and cornichons.

Now, seriously, who does not keep chevre bleu cheese and cornichons in the fridge?? I ask you...

GG

PS - please note "real" plate instead of styrofoam. I am not a "total" follower...

A Garden Dinner

With summer in full swing, the garden has changed mightily in appearance. Some of it is big and vibrant, like our 2 (yes, just 2) rows of corn with patty pan squash planted amongst it, Native American style:

Others are more secretly hidden away, and must be searched for, like these nearly perfect summer squash hidden by their huge leaves in the raised bed:

And still others are just too good not to share. As you know, G isn't going to be around for another week (she arrived in NY safely and is now staying with her son). I work from home, so I've got to keep my production up while not letting the garden shrivel up in the upper 90's heat we've been having with no "real" rain for weeks. I started off Tuesday morning being completely focused. Up just before 6 am, out in the yard, turning on the soaker hoses, and hand watering the pots on the porch. Got everything done, AND managed my own shower before I had to hit the computer at 7 am.

Then I managed a little bit of watering during my 3-hour break, but I am trying to cut back on the caffeine, so I also ended up taking a nap after lunch! Ah, the joys of working at home.

I was very productive and focused all day yesterday and topped my personal best of line-count typing--nearly 1300 lines. Go, me! but then, it was quittin' time, and I was hungry. Trying to save money and gas, I thought, what the heck is all this food growing for out here if I'm not going to eat it?

Truthfully, it was a post over at Syd's that got me going. I love that movie and I've always wanted to make that dish. Of course, there was no way I could get so ambitious on such short notice, but I realized I DID have ingrediants just growing all around me for a simple form of ratatouille--eggplant, peppers, tomatoes, basil, onions...man what else did I need? Oh, and there were enough fresh green beans for a couple of servings, and I had 2 small red potatoes in the house. Dinner was done!

First, I picked 2 small eggplants that we have growing in pots on the porch. We've grown eggplants in pots for the last 3 summers, and have had really good luck with them. They stay small, they're tender, sweet, and never bitter. Don't even need to be peeled:

Then, I pulled up one of our green onions that have gotten to be about the size of ping-pong balls, and sooo full of flavor:

Next, I headed to the front yard, and picked two small, but perfect, ripe, yellow tomatoes:

And a sun-ripened banana pepper:

Last, but certainly not least was the fresh basil. I adore fresh basil, and if we can keep this batch going, there'll be pesto to freeze for the winter, so I can have a little bit of summer when it's cold outside:

After all the ingredients were gathered, I headed to the kitchen. First, I snapped the beans. Snapping beans always takes me right back to my mother's table, where I spent hours in my childhood, and on into my adult hood, snapping beans for her and talking about everything under the sun. Then, she cooked them in a pressure cooker with red potatoes. Well, no pressure cooker for me, but I had a small piece of smoked pork that I put in a little bit of water, brought it to a boil, then poured out that water to get all the salt out, and put in fresh water, the snapped beans, and the 2 red taters, halved. A little onion and garlic powder, and a little pepper, popped on the lid and they were set to steaming.

Next I sliced the eggplants lengthwise, and diced them up, cut up the onion with a little bit of the green stem, sliced the pepper, and cut up the yellow tomatoes into quarters. A little olive oil in a nonstick pan along with some pre-chopped garlic, then in went the eggplant, onion, and peppers. Cooking eggplant can be tricky. It's like a sponge and people want to add more and more oil till it's just soaked. You don't need to add more oil, just keep stirring so it doesn't stick--and maybe add a splash of water if you really need the moisture. Keeping the heat lower helps, too. So, when the above mixture was nicely sauteed and starting to soften, I tossed in the chopped tomatoes and their juice was just the right amount of moisture necessary. After that, the fresh leaves of basil, just torn a bit, added last to keep that perfect, fresh flavor. And, just a few capers. Ok, come on, doesn't everyone keep capers in the house??

I popped the lid on the skillet, and checked the beans and potatoes--the potatoes were just getting fork-soft, and the beans were ready. The kitchen was starting to smell pretty darn good.

In just a few more minutes, everything was done. I spooned out the fresh beans, still with a slight al dente feel, the potatoes with a little butter, salt, and pepper, then added my ratatouille, and sat down to a feast fit for a queen! No, it wasn't Timpano, but it was delicious, and the best part was, we had grown about 94% of the entire meal ourselves!

Eating out of the garden, it just does not get any better than that! Sorry I didn't take any pictures of the final product, but I was just too damn hungry!

Happy pickin'

GG

It's a Law

I have discovered a new Universal Law.

I call it "The Law of the Store":

No matter what store you go to, no matter when you go, no matter WHAT you are looking for at said store, whenever you get to what it is you want.....

THERE WILL BE SOMEONE STANDING IN FRONT OF IT BLOCKING YOUR ACCESS!

Usually, this will be one person with 3 or 4 full carts, and 5 or 6 screaming kids (even at 2 a.m.), and they will just be standing there looking off into space, not really trying to get whatever it was YOU wanted, just there to block you from it.

This ESPECIALLY happens if you want only ONE thing and are in a real hurry.

Trust me. This is a real, Universal Law. Isaac Newton could not have done better.

GG

The Stuff Just Keeps on Falling

Last night, after a good day of finishing the kitchen paint job, painting our back patio pink (yes PINK), and an over all good Sunday off, I lay down to go to bed around 11:30. And started to itch. I've written about my itching woes before, but this flare-up has been really bad. It's been going on for at least a month, maybe longer. I actually think the stress that caused it initally has pretty well settled down, but once the skin gets like this, nothing helps but steroids.

So, not willing to face one more night of scratching myself into oblivion, I got up and went to the ER. I must have had perfect timing, as there was NO ONE else in the waiting room when I walked in. Seriously, how often does that happen?

Got called in quickly, triaged, put in a room and given The Gown. Shortly, the P.A. came in, took one look at my legs and said, "Yep. That's annular eczema. Nothing OTC is going to help that now." He asked me the standard questions about soaps, laundry detergent, lotions, etc., and while he was talking my cell phone rings.

My cell phone never rings.

I didn't even realize it WAS my cell phone for a minute, then it hit me.

So, I answered. It was G, calling to tell me her son just called and her ex-husband (his dad) had just passed away due to complications from his MS, that he had had for nearly 30 years. She sounded totally stunned and small. I told her I would be done as soon as I could and get right home.

P.A. was very gracious, they wrote me 2 scrpits for predn!sone and some heavy-duty skin cream that I am NOT to use for more than 14 days and NEVER on my face. (That's kind of scary...). Fortunately, all the itching now is below the neck.

I was in and out in an hour and a half. At an ER. Wow. I do love living in Pueblo.

So, home it was to hold and comfort my wife, who was utterly devastated and surprised by the strength of her reaction. But, this guy was her high school sweetheart--they met when they were about 13, got married at 19, and if his disease turned him mean and cruel later, she was able to forgive him after they split up, and she always cared about him as his disease progressed. That is what I love so much about her--she has this absolutely endless heart that is incapable of being hateful.

Long story short, she is now on a bus going BACK to NY state, having just been there barely 8 weeks ago for her brother's funeral. If all goes well, she'll be there Wednesday morning and get back here next Wednesday. It's going to be a hell of a long week, but we were just too tapped out for her to fly again, and with her military discount, she got the round trip on the bus for under $200.00. We couldn't NOT do it. She's traveled by bus before, takes her crutches and everyone treats her fine. She'll be okay, but if you want to send some good thoughts our way, I sure wouldn't turn them down.

Thanks a lot, and I PROMISE my next post will be more upbeat--and maybe even have some pictures.

You all hug your dear ones tonight and let them know how you feel. You never know how long you've got or what's right around the corner.

Be well.

GG

I Channeled My Mother and Kept My Cool

Two years ago today, my mother died. But, I didn't even remember it until my sister called me a little while ago. Not that I feel bad about not remembering--it would be just what she would want. No moping and moaning, just going on with life. Speaking of which:
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Today, around 11-sh, I was just getting ready to stop working for my mid-day break when the daughter calls. I reluctantly answer the phone. Here's the latest sob story: Apparently fiance when to see his sister last night, and then about 3 am this morning, shows up at the apartment, pounding on the door, and when she let him in, he looks like he's gone about 5 rounds with Oscar DeLahoya with no gloves. Plus he said he'd been drinking and didn't remember anything that had happened.

To that I say a big: WHATEVER.

Anyway, they had been at the ER in the wee hours, and were supposed to go back to the doc, but didn't have money for copay (thank GOD he got coverage under county health department) or the meds, the total of which was $30.00. He was "supposed to get paid" today, so they could "pay me back". Yadda, yadda.

Well, I had some errands to run during the break, so I told her I could get her the cash. I know what I have said about not giving her money, but I can't let someone languish when medical care is only $15.00 away. Call me a sucker.

Anyway, as I drove over there, I was very calm on the inside. It never even crossed my mind that today was the anniversary of my mom's passing, although I had looked at the calendar several times and thought "July 11, July 11" like something SHOULD pop out at me.

When I got there, everyone was pretty subdued. The boys were watching TV, but had to show me their summer mohawk haircuts. But they were otherwise very well behaved. Daughter looked tired, but A, man, he looked like he'd been run over with a truck. One whole side of his face was completely swollen. I asked him if he could see out of the eye and he said yes, and if he had lost any teeth and he said no.

Then, my mom kicked in. She was one of those rare people who really could give you "the truth" when it was necessary. She would NEVER keep quiet if she felt like somthing needed to be said or the "air" needed to be cleared. I was very quiet, and never raised my voice, but I told them I had something to say to them. I told A that I had lost a husband to alcohol, and that I had actually LOST him long before he finally died of it. I told him that alcohol was a lot slower than strychnine or arsenic, but for some people, it was just as deadly. I told him that I had neither the desire, nor the energy to meddle in his or daughter's life, but that this was something I needed to say. I did not judge him, but I asked him to take a long hard thought about what had happened, and also to thing about what was valuable in his life. I pointed to my daughter and said, "This is my CHILD! Don't you think she is worth more than a 6-pack of beer? Don't you think these beautiful boys and your own beautiful children are worth more than a 6-pack of beer? And aren't YOU worth more than a 6-pack of beer?" At that point, I actually think he was crying.

I told him no one could change him but himself. Only he knew what kind of life he wanted to lead and only he could make the choices that would take him there. And then I said, "And if you choose the alcohol, and my daughter KNOWS that you choose the alcohol over her and STILL chooses you, then she gets what she deserves." Which I think shocked them both, but it's true. It's one thing when someone hides a problem from you for a long time (my husband), it's totally another to walk into a big problem like that with your eyes wide open thinking you will change someone. I told them that no one could change him, only HE could, and HE had some serious thinking to do.

Then I gave her $50.00 and told her that the extra $20 was for gas and it was my choice, so HE only had to pay me back the $30. Then I hugged her, hugged the boys, wished him the best, and went and ran my errands. I never got hysterical, I never raised my voice, I just said what I had to say and left them with it.

Even though I would like to think it might have an effect, it's still THEIR life and they have to make the decisions.

Time will tell, I guess. But, after talking to my sister this evening, I do feel like my mom was with me, and what better way to commemorate her passing, than maybe by helping someone get their head on a little better.

Thanks, Meeps.

GG